Two Days Before Christmas

Two days before Christmas

somewhere in the house

I heard a squeak and a rustle,

It must be a mouse!

What to do, what to do!

We had food out galore

For guests who’d arrive

At a quarter past four.

The buffet was spread

With goodies delish.

The fruitcake was chillin’

 In my best serving dish.

Candies and pies,

A stollen so merry,

A gingerbread man

Whose nose was a cherry.

I’d worked so hard

To put out this spread

But if Mouse had her way

I’d soon lose my cred.

My guests would be grossed

If they saw even a trace,

Of Mouse tracks in pudding!

Oh, what a disgrace!

I thought and I thought,

Till a murderous gleam

Lit up my eyes.

I soon had a scheme.

I’d set a trap

Wondrous to behold.

I’d soon catch that Mouse,

So cheeky and bold.

I got out some cheese

And wrapped it in bacon.

Then set up the trap.

My hands were a-shakin’.

I set it so gently

Under that table.

She couldn’t resist,

she wouldn’t be able.

Away I went

And I hid and I waited

Listening for the snap

Of the trap I had baited.

It didn’t take long

Till I heard the loud crack

Of the spring-loaded

Bar of that deadly mousetrap.

I sneaked to the table

And without second thought,

I peered underneath

To see what I’d wrought.

But where was that Mousie

Smacked oh so flat?

With cheese on her lips,

And bacon----that rat!

Oh no! she’d escaped

With her life still intact

She looked daggers at me,

While she finished her snack.

“Why, you little $#/…’

I muttered so low.

She gave me a grin

As she spun round to go.

So I got out the Decon,

Those poisonous pellets.

And set them about

So’s she could smell it.

I soon heard a scratchin’

From where I had set ‘em.

Soon there’d be mouse corpse

Sure as I’m bettin’!

Got out the dustpan

To clean up the mess.

But no Mousie was found!

Now I was obsessed!

I’d kill that Mouse

If it took me all night!

Forgot about my guests

Forgot about my plight…

Bent on vengeance

Against that dang rodent,

I got out the shotgun,

My aim would be potent.

I loaded it up

With bullets so shiny.

Finger on trigger

And aimed for her hiney.

Kaboom! went the gun!

I missed the dang critter!

Kablam! Went the blast,

But I still didn’t hit her!

The bullets were flyin’

As I lost my mind.

And shot up the place

Without even tryin’.

The cops soon were called

And hauled me to jail.

While that Mouse sat and laughed

And waved her long tail.

And I heard her squeak

As I rode out of sight,

“Merry Christmas to all!

Let’s eat tonight!”

by Leslie R.

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Till next time,