When I left my last job of nearly 20 years in 2011, I wasn't emotionally ready. Even though I came home and ranted for an hour every night about various workplace stresses, occurrences and attitudes and how I desperately wished I could retire, I was married to that job. I was that job. Leaving it somewhat unexpectedly, was tantamount to a sudden divorce. I grieved.
And as with a divorce, I found myself adrift, not needed, not critical to the daily function of anything. It was a shock to my system. Emptiness, boredom, loneliness converged on me like nobody's business. My sense of vigor, my identity and most of my social interactions were tied up in that job and when I left it, those things disappeared. I no longer knew who I was.
So why didn't I just pour myself into the dreams of what I'd do when I finally had time? Make piles of jewelry, write, draw, paint, crochet, etc.? I did piddle a little with some of that, but I just couldn't summon up enough motivation to do any of it to a point that fulfilled me enough. I just couldn't get rid of the 'lost' feeling.
It was with a thrilling surge of happiness that I learned my former workplace needed me to come back and help with some reorganization and training. Just my cup of tea! It was to be a short term contract; a few months at most. The timing was perfect as my daughter would be having our first grandchild that spring and I'd be able to be with her for the birth. With joy, I returned to the workplace in early 2012 and commenced getting back into the groove.
But this time, I knew it was temporary, so when the job drew to a close some months later, I was able to handle the leaving of it with much more aplomb and finality. This time, I was emotionally ready to go and it was virtually painless. I began to embrace my freedom and was able to settle into retirement with no guilt or feelings of uselessness. Thankfully, this time I didn't miss it (the job). Letting go in the proper way was the key to my being able to move forward into the retirement phase. I was ready.
It doesn't bother me in the slightest to wake up every day and not have a crushing sense of "Oh, I need to do this or that today." I don't feel aimless or like I'm not accomplishing anything if I don't get a bunch of stuff done. If I'm lazy all day long and do nothing else but cook our dinner and wash the dishes, I'm fine with that. As long as the house is reasonably clean, my husband is fed and watered properly, and I feed my soul at least every other day, ring-a-ding-ding! I'm a winner!
Never do I let any niggling little voice in my head tell me that I should do this or I should do that. "Begone mean little voice! You've no place in my life. You don't belong here and you will not make me feel one iota of guilt or pressure to do things I really don't care about. You are an intruder. A pest!"
I know many people do feel they must be doing something. They have anxiety about how to fill the time. It yawns before them like some great, black cavern and it scares them. Some guys choose to spend their days on the golf course or fishing or engaging in hobbies. Some women do volunteer or charity work. There are always church or senior center activities to get involved in. Many end up embracing a second career. Some go back to school and get the degree they always wanted. Some pour themselves into their children's lives or help raise grandchildren. Some take off in an RV and travel. Some get part time jobs just to fill the empty hours and make some pocket money. If one or more of those helps you feel alive and vital, go for whatever makes you feel right. You just have to figure out what does it for you.
It's also perfectly ok not to do any of those things. If you're comfortable enough in your own head and skin to spend your golden days with just yourself and/or your spouse if you have one, that's great! Don't feel guilty about it; don't criticize yourself for not being gainfully prolific. You spent decades doing that. You've done your bit. You don't have to anymore. You are not less of a valuable person if you're not a whirlwind of productivity. You no longer have to prove anything.
Yes, sometimes my husband and I do get a tad bored. Sometimes the daily rituals and routines peter out and aren't quite enough. When that happens, we plan a short day trip or nice dinner out or movie. (Non-grocery shopping always does the trick for me.) Probably sounds dull as dishwater to most, but we're good with it. We don't need a lot of entertainment or activity to feel fulfilled.
We've done what we set out to do. We worked for decades. The children are raised and living their own lives. We traveled some and enjoyed nature and the beauty with which God painted this country. Now we can rest and just appreciate the time that's left to us. Now we have time to ponder all the questions of life we never had time to dwell on before; now we are learning who we really are as individuals. Now we realize things about ourselves that we never picked up on during our hurly-burly working years. And we calm down. We are ourselves.
Yes, it's OK to be retired! I highly recommend it!
Till next time,
"Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese." ~ Gene Perret
"Retirement: World's longest coffee break." ~ Unknown
"Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it." ~ Gene Perret
No comments:
Post a Comment