Nicotine, I WILL Conquer You!

Kudos to all the folks who are embracing the new year by setting themselves new goals to achieve. I admire their self discipline and strength of will.

Personally, I've never been one for New Year's resolutions. This is primarily because I am weak, I know I'm weak and I simply refuse to set myself up for failure.  Plus, there's some aberration in my mental makeup that absolutely loathes goals. It's a serious character flaw. But I admit I'm much happier and less stressed when I have no goals. I must have the soul of an amoeba.

I didn't intend to set any goals for 2016, but somehow I inadvertently did. I'm a smoker. A heavy smoker. I've smoked an average of a pack a day for around 40 years. I quit once from '79-'82 and again in 1984/85 for a bit less than a year.

I smoked a cigarette at 10 p.m. last Thursday night, the 31st. When I got up on New Year's Day, I handed my pack with the last 2 cigarettes in it to my husband, threw the lighter in the drawer and announced: "I'm done."

The last time I quit smoking was over 30 years ago when I was pregnant with my daughter. I've tried to quit several times since then, even using Chantix and/or patches and/or gum, but never made it even 24 hours. Actually, not sure I even made it 12 hours!

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1-3-16: It's been roughly 67 hours since that 10 p.m. smoke the other night and here's what I have to report:

• Within the first 24 hours, I felt less pressure in my chest.
• Within the first 24 hours, I felt a bit less irritation in my upper bronchial tubes.
• I woke up a few times in the night, with my body totally rigid. I had to consciously relax the various sets of muscles so I could get back to sleep.
• Around noon of the 2nd day, I realized I was very irritable and absolutely everything about my husband annoyed me mightily. 
• I felt very assertive, even aggressive at times.
• I took 1/2 a Xanax before bed in hopes that I wouldn't have any more bouts of muscle rigidity. Seems to have helped.
• Third day has been much like the 2nd day; still irritable. 
• Husband still annoying as all get out. But I'm trying to be kind to him.
• It has been helpful to get outside periodically and go for short walks.

It has been very helpful to handle the empty barrel of a pen, blowing in it, treating it like a cigarette, fiddling with it, banging it on my leg, etc. Unfortunately, that annoys my husband, who is also trying to quit smoking. It's interesting that he doesn't want to use any of the little tricks I'm using, such as the pen.

1-4-16:  'Oy! Day 4.

• I'd dearly love a cigarette. But I'd really hate myself if I caved now.
• Besides, my husband really needs to quit and if I cave, he certainly will. 
• Where's that pen? 
• Why am I still coughing?
• Internal dialog is helpful if it's a bit reminiscent of your mother's voice. 
• Felt very sorry for my poor hubby today; his wife is suddenly so impatient with all the things he's been doing for the last 12 years that she never blinked an eye at before.  
• Thank goodness she keeps it all to herself.
• Decided that 4 smoke-free days deserved a reward, so ordered the new Laura Geller TSV they are showing on QVC.  (My daughter told me I could.)

Four Days! Like I said above, I didn't think I'd make it 24 hours. But I'm strangely determined this time. I'll keep you posted!

Till next time,

"Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right." ~ Oprah Winfrey